Monday, January 14, 2008

Parched


I am thirsty


it cracks inside me

attempts escape

thumping

pulsing with my heartbeat

alive..alive..alive..alive......

reaching stretching tiptoes

trying to touch It

get closer

breathe that air

the sweet cleansing rejuvinating revitalizing

the Real

I want It

I need It

to feel It

breathe It

drink It

touch It

hold It

be held by It

enveloped by It
by

the fire

fire inscribed on fire

icy purity

the Truth...

My yearning

longing

Thirst.


For what?

For It

nameless...

I don't know how to say it

in words...

but I know

I feel

I need...


Like a child

for water

"Mommy...please...Thirsty..."

...for that is all I know how to say...

Father...

please...

I am so

thirsty


and so tired


but I've never before felt so alive...

Is it possible

to become more alive

than this...?


And...

will I ever find It

touch It

drink It

come close

be held close

by It?

My only desire

is that Connection

Closeness

Realness

Truth...

...

I want

need
the need tears at me

breaks me

almost hurts
in its intensity

intense

longing

for Home

for You

to You


please,

Father--

I...

I am

so thirsty...


Monday, January 7, 2008

Iridescence


fabric store

always loved it
so many different textures
feels
calling to my fingers
soft, silky
coarse, grainy
corduroy
(that feels tingly when you rub your hand crosswise)
netted mesh
felt
fur
(ah, the furs...)

i can spend hours touching
relishing
feeling each subtle difference
and then walk out
without having bought anything
but so much richer in experience...

i'm not picky about the feels
each texture is a sensory wonder
the smooth
bumpy
silky
ribbed
all tantalizingly touchable


but
when it comes to looking...
there's
only one
that satisfies my sensory hunger

a relatively small swatch
blue-green on one side
hold it, touch it, feel the shimmer
the slight stiffness
but shift
ever so slightly
and it becomes
...golden?

how...?

i try again
hold it on one side
calmingly cool
but then...
the slightest shift
...dazzling...


i know this fabric

they have it in my life, too...


from one side, one view
but shift
and suddenly
a completely different world...
worlds apart

how...?

but more importantly...
...Why.....?
what can i understand here?

i look
and look
turning
examining the sides
the colors
the options

i look
drink the fabric in with my eyes...
but

i don't understand.