Parched

I am thirsty

it cracks inside me

attempts escape

thumping

pulsing with my heartbeat

alive..alive..alive..alive......

reaching stretching tiptoes

trying to touch It

get closer

breathe that air

the sweet cleansing rejuvinating revitalizing

the Real

I want It

I need It

to feel It

breathe It

drink It

touch It

hold It

be held by It

enveloped by It

by

the fire

fire inscribed on fire

icy purity

the Truth...

My yearning

longing

Thirst.

For what?

For It

nameless...

I don't know how to say it

in words...

but I know

I feel

I need...

Like a child

for water

"Mommy...please...Thirsty..."

...for that is all I know how to say...

Father...

please...

I am so

thirsty

and so tired

but I've never before felt so alive...

Is it possible

to become more alive

than this...?

And...

will I ever find It

touch It

drink It

come close

be held close

by It?

My only desire

is that Connection

Closeness

Realness

Truth...

...

I want

need

the need tears at me

breaks me

almost hurts

in its intensity

intense

longing

for Home

for You

to You

please,

Father--

I...

I am

so thirsty...

Iridescence

fabric store

always loved it

so many different textures

feels

calling to my fingers

soft, silky

coarse, grainy

corduroy

(that feels tingly when you rub your hand crosswise)

netted mesh

felt

fur

(ah, the furs...)

i can spend hours touching

relishing

feeling each subtle difference

and then walk out

without having bought anything

but so much richer in experience...

i'm not picky about the feels

each texture is a sensory wonder

the smooth

bumpy

silky

ribbed

all tantalizingly touchable

but

when it comes to looking...

there's

only one

that satisfies my sensory hunger

a relatively small swatch

blue-green on one side

hold it, touch it, feel the shimmer

the slight stiffness

but shift

ever so slightly

and it becomes

...golden?

how...?

i try again

hold it on one side

calmingly cool

but then...

the slightest shift

...dazzling...

i know this fabric

they have it in my life, too...

from one side, one view

but shift

and suddenly

a completely different world...

worlds apart

how...?

but more importantly...

...Why.....?

what can i understand here?

i look

and look

turning

examining the sides

the colors

the options

i look

drink the fabric in with my eyes...

but

i don't understand.