Silent wishes...

I feel so blessed.

Sometimes, in the heat of all of life's complex happenings, we simply forget to look at our immediate surroundings and appreicate them, enjoy them, cherish them, and thank Him for them.

And it's times like tonight that make me want to sing and weep and proclaim to the world just how lucky and happy and truly blessed I am.

As much difficulty as I have with family matters, with the progression of time I realize more and more just how amazing they are as a whole and how much I benefit and can learn from each one of them individually. I am seriously considering devoting a post to each of them personally, but for now I will have to settle on acknowledging them as a whole. Which I suppose is appropriate for this post anyway, since it is the family forum in which we are nurtured and supported and honed and chiseled into the people we become. And as of tonight, I feel just that...what a person I feel I have become...and so, so much of it is because of the extraordinary family that I was fortunate enough to have been born into.

Ah.....but one special person deserves her own mention. I am currently in the process of composing quite a post about her already, but I cannot wait long enough for that megillah to be fine tuned. I hope to post that one eventually (since there's no such thing as too much praise for someone, especially when it's "lo befanav"...), but the wonderful and passionate feelings that fill me now require expression besha'as hama'aysah... It is tonight that I am filled with such love and appreciation and fondness and closeness. And for just the person I would have never imagined feeling any of those feelings toward...

Now that I look back I realize that I've learned volumes from her over the years. I don't think I ever realized it growing up, but the reason I'm as sensitive and courteous and giving and considerate as I am (hmmm...in whatever level I display those middos...) can only be because of the things I observed in her and how I learned by her example. She is a pillar of strength powerful enough to fortify my entire world, and I am in disbelief that It's only now that I realize that she's been that way all along. I only wish I could have recognized the learning and growth potential I had growing up with such a treasure, but I suppose that the maturity of aging is the only way to achieve full appreciation for something you had all along...

She was there for me, whether I was aware of it or not, whether I liked it or not, or whether I valued it or not. She always had--and continues to have--my best interests in mind, completely giving up of her own to give to me--and to everyone; it's a known fact among friends, family, and community that she is the one who will literally drop anything to aid others, to give advice, to physically take care of things, or to simply be an emotional tower of strength for anyone and everyone. Ahh....I wish I had known what she had to offer me all these years...

As I write this, I feel like however many beautiful words I write here, however I try to describe her, however many emotions I try to record on this screen, there is no way in the world that I can accurately portray how I really feel and how utterly awesome she is to me...She's simply too beautiful and wise and strong to limit to mere words and descriptions.

How I wish you could meet her and see for yourselves...

But even more so, how I wish you could read this for yourself, Mother.......

Oh, Mommy. How I wish I had the words to tell you, the feelings to give over to you, the love to shower upon you, the praise to extoll you, the sheer raw emotion to somehow exhibit to you, that would really tell you exactly how much I am feeling about you right now...

...and always...

I only hope you know it deep down somewhere in that breathtaking heart of yours. I try to tell you, but somehow my words always seem to be lacking.

So here I am, sending it this way...in the fervent hopes that you will catch it, hold it, feel it, cherish it, tuck it away and store it forever.

Mummer, I love you so so so much. More than I'll ever have words for...

You often joke that mothers should be the ones wished a happy birthday on the days of their children's birthdays. So here it is, the long-awaited and so well-deserved wish I never gave you because I never took your joke seriously:

Darling Mother, I wish you a year filled with mazel, bracha, happiness, hatzlacha, good health, well-being, inner peace, parnassah, clarity, shalom bayis, yiras shomayim, ahavas Hashem, and boundless nachas from me and all of your children.

So even though it is technically my day, I feel that you deserve the wish so much more for everything you've done for me...

Happy birthday, Mummer.